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All At Once, Then Not At All

By

All At Once, Then Not At All

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In navigating a life of privilege marred by deep emotional scars, Sebastian Clarence has come to understand that there are many different means of survival. He understands he has always liked boys in the way he should like girls. He understands his father finds this abhorrent. He understands that, for both his survival and that of the illustrious Clarence Group, he has to make sacrifices.

When his understanding of the world is upended after a failed assassination attempt on his twenty-first birthday, Sebastian finds himself irresistibly drawn to Ren, his initially apathetic bodyguard. As they work to unveil the perpetrator behind the attempt on his life, Ren supports Sebastian towards self-acceptance, the two soon finding themselves unable to ignore the intensity of their attraction.

While Sebastian grapples with the fallout of his repressed sexuality and the trauma inflicted by his abusive father, he soon realises there’s more to uncover than just who orchestrated his attempted assassination. Soon, he’s faced with the harsh reality that while there are many different means of survival, he understands nothing about what it truly means to survive.

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Genre

Orientation

Publication date

27 September 2025

Paperback ISBN

Sexual Content

9781915905604

Length

Gender Identity

341 pages

Dimensions (in)

5 x 0.86 x 8

Trigger Warnings

Suicide, domestic abuse, child abuse, self-harm, hate-speech

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Caitlin Bowden

About

Having grown up in the North of Ireland, and earned her MA in Creative Writing, Caitlin Bowden is passionate about telling queer stories, and about leaning into aspects of queer characters less palatable...

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